how to: have a perfect threesome
When it comes to my sex life, I’ve long lived by the phrase “the more the merrier”. The ménage à trois can be one of the most beautiful sexual experiences one can have, but it can also be a more difficult dynamic to pull off seamlessly, than you might think. Keep reading for my best tips.
what kind of threesome do you want?
Often, when a threesome is conceptualized by those without prior experience, the most important thing that is not communicated is the kind of threesome that is desired. Some examples include:
Man of the Hour: You want to feel like a king for the day, with not one, but two women to please you. They may interact with each other, but you remain the focus and center of attention. Some points to consider:
How much interaction do you want between the two women? Is just making out and touching each other okay, because you’d rather the main focus be on you? Or do you want them to have chemistry with each other and to watch them go down on each other?
Do you have an aesthetic fantasy you’d like to fulfill? For example, two redheads, a blonde and brunette, light skinned and dark skinned, blue eyed + brown eyed?
Is there an additional fantasy about who the two women are to each other? Sisters or cousins, the two best friends from the neighboring all girls school, two cheerleaders or ballerinas, the hot lesbian couple who pick you up at the bar, your older sister’s two best friends?
Study up on threesome positions. Relying on the usual one-on-one positions can often result in one person feeling like a third wheel, but there are plenty of positions that are specific to triads. My favorites? Double cowgirl, doggy + girl-on-girl missionary, and doggy + girl going down on girl. Spectacular views for all.
Be conscious of sexual hygiene. Request internal (female) condoms so that you’ll be able to switch back and forth between partners without having to stop to change condoms. Cover toys with condoms when sharing them between partners. Use dental dams (a flat sheet condom for oral activities) and never kiss or perform oral after rimming (can cause infections or ingestion of digestive bacteria).
The Unicorn: Maybe you’ve been together for what seems like forever, and are looking to spice things up. Maybe she’s bicurious or bisexual but you prefer to play together. In this case, make sure to:
Choose someone you both find interesting and attractive or who is a blend of qualities you both like. There’s nothing worse than selecting a third you don’t find attractive or interesting just to please your partner.
Mutually agree upon and consent to it in advance. The idea of surprising your partner may sound like a fun one, but trust me, you don’t want to put your partner in the position of consenting only because they don’t want to disappoint you or make a situation awkward. Besides, think of all the hot sex you will have in the days leading up to it.
Have a discussion about your boundaries beforehand, and discuss that with your unicorn. Are there any activities that you want to keep between yourselves? Are you on the same page when it comes to sexual health?
Lesbian Lovers: Maybe you’re more excited about the idea of watching two women together, or the idea of having all the attention on you makes you nervous. If you’re looking for strong chemistry between the two women you will be with, ask your first female friend if there is a friend she has especially good chemistry with or enjoys being with most.
This style of threesome can also be ideal if you’re worried about discretion. Being seen dining alone with a single female who isn’t your spouse can raise some eyebrows, but who is going to guess that you’re sleeping with the lesbians whose “engagement” you’re celebrating?
Domina et Deux: Perhaps you’ve found someone whose company you enjoy and who is perfect for you in many ways, only to discover that you’re both submissive in the bedroom. Or, maybe your partner is submissive and you want to please them, but you don’t have any experience as a dominant. Why not bring in a professional dom(me) to dominate you both or teach you a few new tricks?
Have an idea of what sorts of things you want to try and what your hard (and soft) limits are. Perhaps you like the idea of being spanked, but you don’t want any marks left behind. Maybe you want to be tied up, but are you okay being completely immobilized or suspended?
Understand that dom(me)s are not one dimensional, and definitely not as scary as you might think. While a dom(me) isn’t
Hot Wife: You know your wife (or female partner) could have any man she chooses, and you want to watch her with someone else.
Consider the setting where you will enact this scenario. Is there sufficient seating and an unobstructed view for you to watch?
How much further can you take the scene? Perhaps you make it a dinner date where you get to watch their chemistry build from another table at the restaurant. Maybe you get an adjoining hotel room where you can hear them again in the middle of the night.
Do you want to join in at any point? Do you get to have her after he leaves? Do you discover them together? How does it end?
MFM: Maybe she isn’t the only one who is bicurious or bisexual. Or, maybe you’re straight as an arrow and just looking to satisfy a fantasy of hers. Either way consider these points:
What sort of interaction are you comfortable with between yourself and the other guy? Do you want to see if kissing a man’s lips feels different than kissing a woman’s? Do you want to know if having anatomy similar to your own will make you a more talented lover? Are you curious about giving or receiving? Or, are you simply comfortable with being in close quarters while both of you please her? Remember, trying something doesn’t mean you’ll like it enough to try it again, just like trying a new food in a restaurant. However, be prepared for the possibility that you might like something you try and that could change your view of your sexuality.
Above all, the most important rule of threesomes (or moresomes) is that everyone feels included at all times, in the bedroom and outside of it, unless it has been negotiated beforehand that one person will watch or observe from the sidelines.